30 Funny Puns, Funny Phrases and Sentences

  1. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.
  2. I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.
  3. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  4. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  5. Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
  6. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  7. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
  8. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
  9. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
  10. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
  11. Velcro – what a rip off!
  12. Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
  13. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  14. All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
  15. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  16. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  17. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  18. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  19. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
  20. Broken pencils are pointless.
  21. When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
  22. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  23. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  24. We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
  25. Why do psychics ask your name?
  26. If parents say, “Never take candy from strangers” then why do we celebrate Halloween?
  27. You all laugh because I’m different – I laugh because you’re all the same.
  28. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
  29. I don’t get older. I level up.
  30. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.

More funny phrases here.