I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.- I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.
- Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
- The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- Velcro – what a rip off!
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
- Why do psychics ask your name?
- If parents say, “Never take candy from strangers” then why do we celebrate Halloween?
- You all laugh because I’m different – I laugh because you’re all the same.
- Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
- I don’t get older. I level up.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
More funny phrases here.
